Quitting Smoking

I have been smoking for over 15 years. I started, stupidly, when i was 18 years old. A friend of mine, who I was very close too, was a smoker and we were at a club, Raquel's, in Gray, Essex. I wasn't drunk but I was tipsy, and she offered me a cigarette. I, of course, said yes, or there wouldn't be any point in me quitting smoking now would there? I say that this was when I started smoking but I first tried a cigarette when I was a lot younger. I was at Woodlands School at the time and was on the mound with a group of girls who were smoking, they offered me one and I tried it, thinking that I was going to be propelled into the cool kid category, but instead, I threw up and coughed and spluttered my lungs up. It was disgusting, the most vile thing I have ever tried in my life. I must have been about 13/14 at the time, and yet at the age of 18 I had started smoking, now when I tasted this cigarette, I wasn't sick or coughed my guts up. And so my journey as a smoker started. Right through college and Uni I had a group of friends that would smoke alongside me, so I was never left outside in the cold on my own.

I smoked up until I was about 20 years when I was sick and tired of getting chest infection after chest infection so on New Years Even 1999, I made a resolution that I would never smoke again.

I didn't and as far as I was concerned, I had become a non-smoker. I met my husband and never told him that I was a smoker before I met him and this continued on until I started working as a Business Operations Administrator for a, now non-existent, cable company. I had been in the job for nearly 2 months and that was it I started smoking again. I kept it from my husband and only smoked at work but then the habit came back fully and I was smoking over 20 a day. I had to tell him and he was disappointed.

Since that time in my life, I have continually smoked, I stopped briefly for while I was pregnant with my two children but soon started again when they were born.

The chest infections and bronchitis came back and I would suffer every winter with a horrible cold and would hardly be able to breath.

So I decided in 2008 that i would have to give up smoking and so in the New Year in 2008, I did exactly what I did in 1999. I stopped. However, this time round, I couldn't do it alone. So I tried, the patches, but they hurt my arm so very much that I couldn't stand it anymore.

I then tried the gum. Yuck. It didn't help and made me feel sick.

I tried the inhalator but that made me smoke even more.

I tried everything, and have been trying everything new in the market since 2008 with no success whatsoever.

Eventually, 2 weeks ago I went to see my local Stop Smoking Clinic and saw the nurse. She asked me usual questions, how many do you smoke? how many do you smoke really? What type? When do you smoke? What have you tried to stop smoking?

We talked for a while and I had been told about a new medicine, Champix, which stops you wanting a smoke. So I asked her about this drug and she assessed me to see if I could take it.

She was concerned, because of my depression. However, she gave me the drug, warned me of the side effects and told me that if I felt suicidal then I was stop the medication immediately.

Week One:

I started off fine with the medication until approximately day 3 when I started to feel dizzy and lost my appetite. I was told to continue smoking throughout and see them again in a weeks time to check my progress. So I continued smoking and with the sickness, smoking was the only thing that made it go away. The sickness got worse and in fact I was sick a couple of times. It was the worst feeling ever. Kids were on their Easter Holiday at the time as well so having to keep them amused when I was feeling rubbish was not an easy thing to do. However, I persisted with it and despite the sickness, dizziness and sleepiness I carried on smoking and carried on taking the tablets.

Second Visit with the Nurse:

She wanted to know when my quit day would be. I have until day 14 of taking the medication to give up smoking completely and then I get another packet of medication to continue on the course. I told her that I would quite on Wednesday 14 April 2010, being day 13 of the programme. I did this, because I wasn't sure that I would be able to stop, I wasn't convinced that I had the willpower to do it. She looked disappointed. I was still enjoying smoking and couldn't see me stopping at all.

Week Two:

My week two started on the Friday 09 April 2010. And I smoked through Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Monday, I was at the doctors with David and wasn't feeling very good myself. I had no energy whatsoever to the point where I couldn't do the kids lunch so I brought them chips instead (something that I rarely do) and my husband had to make dinner when he got home from a very busy day in the office, which was totally not fair on him. However, I didn't smoke all day as I made a deal with myself that I wasn't allowed to touch a cigarette until after I had had my second tablet for the day. I was going to make my cigarette ( I smoked roll ups) and had no papers. I hunted high and low in the usual haunts but nothing, not one. So I had no choice but to not have one. I was sad that i couldn't have one and at the same time really annoyed with myself for getting myself worked up about it. So I went to bed.

That was 3 days into Week Two of the programme and today (Tuesday 13 April 2010) I haven't smoked. In fact, this morning, I put my tobacco and filters into the bin. I have also told the kids that if I am out with them and I go to buy anything like that they are to scream and shout "you promised not to smoke again" which will make me feel guilty. So as off today, I am a person, who is trying to stop smoking.

I still feel rough and sick all the time and still have no energy but I am hoping that that will get better with time. We will have to wait and see.